The MIL Chronicles
The MIL Chronicles
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Tag Archives: Competitiveness

“It’s Not Your Time”

The scene is set. It’s Olivia’s 4th birthday and Olivia’s mom Renee is very excited about hosting her daughter’s annual birthday party. She’s made all the necessary preparations; the perfect cake, check; the perfect decorations, check; the perfect dress, check; and a special visit from all the Disney Princesses, check. The problem…Olivia’s grandmother has her own ideas for her birthday and has bought a separate cake and a second dress despite her mother’s wishes and expressed disapproval. She feels after all, it’s her right as a grandmother to do for, and buy her granddaughter whatever she wants, whenever she wishes. So each year, Olivia has two birthday cakes and two dresses because of one reason, she has an overbearing grandmother that doesn’t understand the concept of our blog title, “It’s Not Your Time”. In general, I think people have a hard time understanding when it’s not about them, but this really comes to pass during big celebrations like weddings, showers and birthdays. Because the concepts of “It’s Not About You”, and It’s Not Your Time” are lost and overtaken by a sense of entitlement, a need for control, and at times a feeling of jealously. Olivia has two cakes and two dresses at her birthday parties simply because her grandmother doesn’t know her place, and doesn’t realize that it’s not her time. And more importantly, that she had her time with her children. So the question arises, “Does this mean I can’t be a grandmother to my grandchild?” And the answer is “Of course not.” I’m not suggesting that a grandparent can’t or shouldn’t be a part of those special memories and new traditions, and spoil their grandchildren rotten. But it does mean giving the parents the space to embrace their time as parents, and respecting their choices, decisions and … Continue reading

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The Single MIL Syndrome

Has anyone ever asked themeslf, how many women do I know that have a successful Mother-in Law/Daughter-in-Law relationship? To be specific, by successful I mean a relationship where both sincerely love each other and feel not as in laws, but as immediate family. Unfortunately, I think most women would say they don’t know many married women with a successful Mother-in-law/Daughter-in-law relationship. There’s always the inevitable and dreaded MIL story or situation. Now ask yourself how many of those unsuccessful relationships involve single mother-in-laws? Sadly, I would predict it involves the majority of them. This is not to bash single mothers. However, I think there is a direct correlation between the breakdown of the family and what I call, “The Single MIL Syndrome”: an overly excessive social, emotional, and sometimes physical dependence towards one’s own adult son that hinders the relationship with any female suitor, or male companion of your own. From a biblical perspective, a man must “leave” his parents in order to have a successful marriage and become one with his wife. However, too often the breakdown of the family, and subsequently single mothers cleaving to their sons, disrupts the biblical foundation and responsibility of the sons to naturally leave their mothers. The son is then raised to believe it is his responsibility to emotionally, socially and sometimes financially support and protect his single mother as an adult. The continued “husband-like, and/or “child-like” relationship nurtures this sort of thinking. But fundamentally, this is not a son’s role or purpose. And it is crucial for both the mother and the son to understand this very fact in order for the son to be able to make the most important decision and commitment of his life, to be successfully married. If this rite of passage doesn’t take place, how can a … Continue reading

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