The MIL Chronicles
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How to Manage Your Mother-in-Law After Baby

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It’s one of the most precious times in your life. The moment you become a mom. Your life is never the same. It’s the point at which two become three or more and new traditions and an amazing journey of unforgettable memories begins. While this time can and should be exciting, it can also be pretty daunting for some daughter-in-laws. I remember my mom telling me, “If you think it’s bad now, just wait until you have a baby.” I couldn’t imagine it being worse but she was right. She had experienced it with my grandmother, her MIL.

That is, the overbearing, “this is my time”, and “I know better than you” attitude and actions as if the actual wife/mother doesn’t exist; just a surrogate for what she would say were “her babies”.

So how do you handle an overbearing mother-in-law after you’ve had a baby? With understanding, but very FIRM boundaries. It’s quite certain that although you are now, not only a wife, but also a mother, you are still thought of as a child in your mother-in-law’s eyes. This may never change. But what will change is her understanding of your required level of respect and your lack of tolerance when she oversteps her bounds. So it’s important that you stand your ground and are firm with what you will and won’t tolerate as it relates to your child. Otherwise you will likely be walked all over and left feeling like not only do you not have a say in anything regarding your new baby, but that your thoughts of new traditions and special moments are just that, thoughts that will never come to fruition as long as she’s around. You must always remember as your child’s mother You Know Best!

It’s also important that you are understanding with how she feels, as she is now a grandmother and will want to develop that special relationship with her new grandchild. And as long as she is respectful of you and the healthy boundaries that you have put forth, you shouldn’t stand in the way of that. There can be a tremendous value in the relationship between a grandmother and grandchild.

 

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