The MIL Chronicles
The MIL Chronicles
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Monthly Archives: June 2014

Thicker Than Blood……In God’s Eyes

To the naked eye, and in literal terms, blood is thicker than water. And in most situations, I would agree with the phrase. But when referring to two married adults, is this the case? We’ve all been told at some point in our lives that blood IS thicker than water. That is, your family, your blood, should always come first. You never turn your back on your family. Yet at times family can hurt you more deeply than friends, leaving you to wonder who needs enemies with family members like mine. And sometimes your friends are there for you, and more supportive of you than your own family. Even Oprah has said that Gail, her well-known best friend, is the mother she never had and the sister she always wanted. On the flip side, there’s nothing like having a sister or brother, or another member of your family that knows you and allows you to be yourself. The fellowship and unconditional love and trust is like no other. But when your family doesn’t accept who you’ve chosen as your spouse, and simply refuses to trust your decision, and/or respect your relationship, what do you do? How do you move forward? I remember seeing an episode of The Real Housewives of New Jersey and hearing Teresa Guidice yell to her brother, “Be a man and stick with your blood!” She wanted him to protect and defend her, his sister, and not his own wife. He was somehow weak and ultimately wrong for “choosing” to stand by his wife’s side. It makes me wonder, when put in the situation of having to choose between your spouse and your family, what’s the right choice? It’s an understandably difficult situation since choosing your spouse can mean losing more than one member of your family. … Continue reading

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The Single MIL Syndrome

Has anyone ever asked themeslf, how many women do I know that have a successful Mother-in Law/Daughter-in-Law relationship? To be specific, by successful I mean a relationship where both sincerely love each other and feel not as in laws, but as immediate family. Unfortunately, I think most women would say they don’t know many married women with a successful Mother-in-law/Daughter-in-law relationship. There’s always the inevitable and dreaded MIL story or situation. Now ask yourself how many of those unsuccessful relationships involve single mother-in-laws? Sadly, I would predict it involves the majority of them. This is not to bash single mothers. However, I think there is a direct correlation between the breakdown of the family and what I call, “The Single MIL Syndrome”: an overly excessive social, emotional, and sometimes physical dependence towards one’s own adult son that hinders the relationship with any female suitor, or male companion of your own. From a biblical perspective, a man must “leave” his parents in order to have a successful marriage and become one with his wife. However, too often the breakdown of the family, and subsequently single mothers cleaving to their sons, disrupts the biblical foundation and responsibility of the sons to naturally leave their mothers. The son is then raised to believe it is his responsibility to emotionally, socially and sometimes financially support and protect his single mother as an adult. The continued “husband-like, and/or “child-like” relationship nurtures this sort of thinking. But fundamentally, this is not a son’s role or purpose. And it is crucial for both the mother and the son to understand this very fact in order for the son to be able to make the most important decision and commitment of his life, to be successfully married. If this rite of passage doesn’t take place, how can a … Continue reading

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