The MIL Chronicles
The MIL Chronicles
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Monthly Archives: May 2014

Therefore Shall a Man Leave His Father and His Mother…

In the animal kingdom, though it varies by species, a mother releases her young into the wild as soon as they’re done nursing, learning how to hunt, and have been given the necessary tools to survive. The mother trusts that she’s done her job in preparing her young, and seems to inherently know that she must let go and is easily able to do so. The young grow to procreate and form their own families. So why in the human species does there seem to be such difficulty giving in to this rite of passage? Do animals in their most natural environment have it wrong? “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife; and they shall be one flesh.” Genesis chapter two verse twenty-four describes the biblical interpretation of a man’s rite of passage as he enters into marriage. Interestingly, the biblical command to leave is given to men. However, veteran marriage counselors and authors of “Restoring the Christian Family”, John & Paula Sanford, explain that far more often they find men rather than women unable to do so. It makes me wonder why this is the case, and what is it about the relationship between a mother and son that creates this inability to “cut the cord”? According to Bill Lawrence, Senior Professor Emeritus of Pastoral Ministries, and Adjunct Professor of Doctor of Ministry Studies at Dallas Theological Seminary, marriage demands a commitment of the deepest nature because it requires a total identification between husband and wife. And before this identification can take place, there must be a separation from other relationships that have been given identification in the past. To leave means that both people must change the way they relate to their parents. It doesn’t mean that we cease … Continue reading

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“It Starts With The Girlfriend”

There is a momentous time in every guy’s life. And that time is when he introduces his serious girlfriend to his mother. It’s at this time that the guy affirms, to probably the most important woman in his life up to this point, that there is someone very special; someone that could end up being his future wife. During this time, the girlfriend will discover the type of relationship her boyfriend has with his mother. Is he the dreaded “Mama’s Boy” that still allows his mother to do everything for him from his laundry, to his daily meals etc.? Does his mother display an odd sense of dependency on her baby boy, either socially, emotionally or financially? You would think the future MIL would be on her best behavior, and want to put forth a good impression for her potential DIL and mother to her grandchildren. But obviously, that’s not always the case. Because it’s at this time that she starts to feel like her position of number one, the most important, will no longer be cemented in the ground. And it’s this feeling of competitiveness that makes her want to show that she is the “HBIC”, number one, the leading lady in his life. She seeks to let the girlfriend know this and also show how she caters to her “man”. She does things like sits on her son’s lap, has him pick her up like a baby, fixes his plate, unpacks his clothes, or talks about all the things she’s done for, or with him, throughout his lifetime. Trying to make it known that the girlfriend can never take her place, or live up to what she’s done from day one. Unfortunately, the mother either scares the girlfriend away, or plants the seed for the tumultuous relationship ahead … Continue reading

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